I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
whose parrot is this?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
