It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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