i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
