I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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