Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize