If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
