Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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