these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
