I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
