Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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