The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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