the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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