turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
