oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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