So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
