This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
