If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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