I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize