YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
