I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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