I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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