The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
