call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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