Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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