i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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