You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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