My nipple is on Facebook.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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