Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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