Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
