The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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