im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize