just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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