Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
