"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
