Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
