apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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