watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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