sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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