After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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