Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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