i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
