biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
