Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
