I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize