Can Purell be used as lube?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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