Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
