apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize