have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
