We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
