Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
