my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
