Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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