Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
