Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
