i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
