The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We need a shit load of segways right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
