Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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