i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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