sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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