Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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