bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
