fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
