I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
