Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
