I feel great
I just peed on a car
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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