I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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