i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
