Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
