when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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