Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
