Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
