I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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