My first STD was from a foam party
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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