don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
