a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize