Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
