Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
