I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
