Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize