I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
