Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
