There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
