It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
