Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
