you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
