Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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