SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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