god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
