thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
