My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize