...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
