these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
