omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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