Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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