god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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