Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i believe in u and ur pee
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
