how can u be prego again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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