hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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