everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
