so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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