Umm I'm too high to move.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
