Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
