angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't turn off my feet"
Can you bring me the toilet please
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
