1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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