were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize