There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
