Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
