My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
