I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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